Blind Item: A Massage Horror Story

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, warning the following blind item is definitely NSFW There have been lots of stories in the past about this superstar actor’s chroic misbehavior with massage therapists and the legal cases that have been quietly settled following those encounters. Well, we have another one for you… and this one is the most shocking yet! This case has not yet been resolved, but there are a few interesting (and quite gross) details about it that make it different from the other cases we have heard about. This massage therapist (Marky Hutt) was called to the hotel room to give a massage to an unidentified guest. When he arrived, he was surprised to discover that the guest was a world-famous actor. The massage therapist set up a table and the actor got on the table and layed on his stomach. Then it got… weird. The actor began moaning and humping the table after a few minutes. When he turned over, he had a huge erection and began masterbating in front of the massage therapist. He grabbed the massage therapist’s package… and then ejaculated all over the jeans that the massage therapist was wearing! Now here are the three twists:

  1. The massage therapist’s jeans got the Monica Lewinsky treatment! The shocked massage therapist saved the pants – which had been sprayed with the actor’s semen – and sent them to a laboratory in Texas to prove that it was the actor’s DNA.
  2. There was a third person in the room during this entire encounter! The actor actually brought along someone to film the action!
  3. The person who was filming the action? The actor’s former family nanny!

Yes, when not busy caring for the actor’s children, the actor has the Nanny serve as an amateur porn videographer. Nice parenting there. Needless to say, the massage therapist was wigging out during this entire encounter. While he actually wants the case to go to trial, it will likely get settled quietly, with the details of the actor’s depravity once again swept under the rug. Actor:

Sounds like a Scientologist.- nik

Problem Solved

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, everyone is so bent over bathrooms and if transgender people should be allowed to use a woman’s bathroom. Cause I do agree, I don’t want my 8 year old girl peeing next to some weird dude who cut his penis off, you know? So, if we put these Gender Neutral bathrooms everywhere, we would have no problem.

So you are saying every public location should have three restrooms. This is getting expensive.- nik

Who is Tony Toutouni

NRP sits down with Tony Toutouni Aka ‘Lunatic Living’ Aka ‘Instagram’s #1 Playboy.’ His lifestyle makes no sense to the average cubical warrior. His social media belittles life and objectifies women. Tony just doesn’t care what you think. Check it out.

Tiffany Toth Is A Goddess

THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, die hard DA member… I know you don’t do “would you” anymore, but just for old time sakes… Nik Richie, no kids or wife… would you?

Answer: I’m back and so is Would You? The answer here is obviously NO. TT went too small on the +2’s and her nose looks like a stick… it ages her.

Kylie Jenner Is Starting To Realize She Is In Love With A Loser

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, check this out.  So Kylie Jenner posted this on her IG, which is a clear shot at her broke, loser boyfriend Tyga.  But, when you are a little girl like her and your broke, loser boyfriend finds out, he makes you change the writing on that post… Be strong Kylie, this loser is only holding you back to your full potential.

I agree, he is becoming a bad look for her… and that is tough to do.- nik

Alexis Gold Loves Twinkies

THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, this is Alexis Gold she’s a fat Jewish shoot from the OC who has consumed way too many twinkies over the past few years. Many snack companies have gone out of business because she eats way too many bags of snacks and the companies can’t keep up with the production. This girl is a fat Jew who tries to shed anonymity by using different last names including Katrina and Goldman. No one knows her real last name so she uses all these fake last names with the hope that people won’t know who she really is. She retired from Sea World as the main walrus inside the aquarium and is now pursuing a modeling and acting career in Los Angeles. Her Instagram is @alexisgoldmusic and she has over ten thousand followers she bought in order to appear famous but no one really give a sh*t about her music. She can’t dance or sing well so she just spent money on those fake followers to act popular. Nik, do you have any advice for this big girl?

Yes, please LaserAway the Sea World logo tattoo. Sea World is a bad look these days.- nik

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